Revisiting my first novel, The Frequent Missteps of J.D. Buckles

Happy 2024! So during my winter break, I decided to also take a break from writing and reread my first novel for the first time in four years (when I started writing my second novel). It was pretty interesting comparing the different styles of the two novels and really, the intention behind them.

For my first novel, I was trying to write the funniest book I could possibly write and have the reader laugh on every single page. For the second, I was going through a divorce when I started writing it, and wanted to create a more meaningful story about a heartbroken man’s search for joy, acceptance, and love. Humor is definitely sprinkled into the second novel, but the main purpose was helping people find more fulfillment and joy in their lives rather than just making them laugh.

Since starting on that new project, I’ve kind of thought of my first novel as a bit juvenile and something of which I was actually a little embarrassed (probably a common feeling among writers when thinking back on their earlier work). But after rereading it, well, it actually is really funny and I’d imagine it would help lift people up as well and help them find joy, even if the story is far less serious (or maybe because it is).

Now, I still think my second novel is the better of the two stories, and I am focusing on getting that one out into the world, but I also feel a lot prouder of my first one and am planning on making that my annual winter break read to help lift my own spirits before I close out the year.

Picture books for adults

I haven’t necessarily been posting here recently, but I have definitely still been writing (I swear!). While I continue to edit my novel and brainstorm ideas for my next one, I have been working on a few humorous picture book manuscripts for adults. Some of these I can share here and others, well, I probably need to come up with a pseudonym for those ones.

I have found the structure for the adult ones I’ve recently written to be surprisingly similar to my stories for kids, just with a slightly more mature context. And like many of my children’s stories, a lot of them also seem to involve a discarded, unwanted inanimate object that longs for someone to appreciate it, until it finally finds an opportunity to be a hero and takes that leap!

Anyway, here is one of these recent stories. I hope you like it!

An Old, Tattered Wig at the Yas Queen Drag Show

An old, tattered wig sat alone on the shelf,
Feeling depressed and so sad for itself. 

For the wig had spent years perched on top of the head
Of a dignified lady, with hair long and red. 

The woman would wear it through opulent halls,
At elegant dinners and glamorous balls.

People would praise her full, gorgeous red hair
That would drape down her back with a feminine air.

The woman was strict and she followed each rule,
And had no time for things that would act like a fool.

So the wig would lay straight and it never would curl,
Or wear shiny barrettes like a boisterous girl.

It tried to impress without taking up space,
And felt safe if each one of its hairs were in place.

But it slowly grew older with each passing day.
Its locks wouldn’t lay but would break, split, and fray.

So the lady found new hair, a light luscious brown,
And discarded the wig at a thrift store downtown,

Where it waited and longed for a woman who might
Love it and wear it out proudly at night.

But the old, tattered wig was ignored by the girls,
Who would choose newer hair or a fun one with curls.

Then one day a gentleman walked by its shelf,
He looked at the wig and then said to himself,

“Oh, this will be perfect! I’ll make this hair flow,
And then wear it onstage at the Yas Queen Drag Show!”

He put the red hair on his shiny bald head,
As the wig sat there panicked and filled up with dread.

“Wait, is this right? Can I go on man?”
Asked the wig as the drag queen sashayed toward a van.

He drove to a club and went straight to the back,
Then drew on his makeup and tried on his rack.

He picked up a dress from the arm of a chair,
And its sequins reflected the old, long red hair,

Which looked at the glitz and the glitter and glam,
The man who now sparkled and shined as a ma’am.

It didn’t fit in with these dazzling displays,
With its tattered red locks and its breaks, splits, and frays.

It slumped down and slid off the drag queen’s bald head,
But she picked it back up and then smiled and said,

“I’ll give you the planet’s most fabulous curls!”
Then she snipped its split ends and she poofed out huge swirls.

The drag queen then glittered her gorgeous red hair
And together they flaunted their feminine flair.

They walked out on stage and the crowd was aglow,
So they served up some sass at that Yas Queen Drag Show.

The queen started dancing and singing a song,
As the wig and the breasts bobbed and bounced right along.

“Isn’t this great?!” asked the boobs to the hair,
As they spun on a pole way up high in the air.

“We are so slaying!” the curly wig said,
But it then saw the lady’s light luscious brown head,

Which peaked through the door as she quickly walked past.
When she saw the red wig, her stern face was aghast.

The drag queen walked over and blew her a kiss,
And the lady jumped back with a shriek and a hiss.

“Oh, don’t be so boring!” the wig laughed out loud,
As the lady ran out to a roar from the crowd.

The luscious brown hair followed right out the door,
And the wig loved the drag show and queen even more.

The audience cheered as they bowed off the stage,
The wig felt so free, like it broke from its cage.

It finally sashayed to its new drag show shelf,
And it slept as its biggest, most beautiful self.

Hello there

It’s been a while (two years). A lot has happened in that time! I moved to Chicago, got engaged, got married, and I even wrote a few new stories. I figure it’s probably time to start blogging again…

Following my novel character up to Crater Lake

Over the last few months, I’ve been able to take advantage of the Pfizer vaccine in my arm and travel to Arkansas, Massachusetts/Maine, and Chicago, and it made me realize that haven’t journaled much about the trip I took up from Alameda to Crater Lake last August to do some research for my novel.

Since I couldn’t travel much during the initial months of COVID quarantine, I decided that my main character, Ben, would do the adventuring for me. I had never driven north of Gualala on Highway 1 in California and had never been to Crater Lake in Oregon, so I had to rely on Youtube videos and Google searches to write about the cool places Ben would stumble upon on his trip. Now, is that the ideal way to do research for a novel that people who have actually been to these places would hopefully one day read? Uh…no. So after four months of lockdown and a temporary dip in COVID numbers, I decided to break free from Alameda, follow Ben up the coast with my dog, and make sure I had accurately depicted his journey.

The “why” of my trip made me think back to a Master Class session I viewed a couple of years ago from famed photographer Annie Leibovitz where she talked about why individuals should consider taking up photography. She said that “It's actually a wonderful medium for a young person to just go out and discover themselves and discover the world around them and it gives them permission to go out and look and have a purpose and observe." (I also wrote about this class in a post from 2019).

I think the point she’s trying to make here is that photography gives people a reason to leave their houses and see amazing things, just like my novel did for me last year. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in the frustrating publishing aspect of writing that I forget about what else it brings to my life. Like a reason to just go out and discover myself and the world around me. For example:

Harry and Jules

As I finished writing a novel that I hoped one day would make it into the hands of millions of people, I quickly realized that it would be difficult to convince more than a few to read it in the short term. And, thus, my “why” of writing stories that lift people up would go unfulfilled for quite some time.

So I decided to put my ego aside for a bit and write a short story for my sister and her family for my niece and nephew’s first birthday. No huge ambition of one day getting it published and seeing my name in print. No dream of using this story to quit my day job and go into writing full-time. Just a simple poem for my family to enjoy (and my loyal blog readers too, of course!).

This made me think back to a blog post I wrote back in 2019 after coming back from the weirdness of Burning Man, which seems like a freaking lifetime ago. At that time, I reflected on all of the art pieces scattered throughout the enormous Playa and how many of them likely only had a handful of people who had seen them throughout the week. I was trying to determine if, given all of the hours the artist had put into creating the piece and the low number of visitors, it was worth it for them to create it at all. And I emphatically said, “YES!” as long as the piece changed the way those few people thought of the world or of themselves (obviously, the actual artist may have had a different answer).

And then I reflected back on myself and said that “if I can inspire one person with one of my stories, I really do need to put my ego aside for just a second and remember that creation isn’t always about going wide and getting as many eyeballs on my work as possible. It’s about going deep as well, even if that means just two inspired eyeballs.”

With my new story, Harry and Jules, I found those inspired eyeballs in my sister, brother-in-law, nephews, and niece, and that is more than enough. Well, at least for this story. So with that, here is Harry and Jules…

Harry and Jules

Harry was walking with Jules in their yard,
While Mommy and Daddy were there standing guard. 

They looked on as CJ climbed up on the swing,
He swung up so high, it’s as if he had wings! 

Harry and Jules hoped to join in the fun,
But Mommy said swings aren’t for kids who are one. 

“You twins are too young, too fragile and small, 
If you climb on the swing, you’ll get hurt if you fall.

In no time, you’ll both be two brave acrobats!
If you fall, though, we’ll catch you, I promise you that.”

Harry was mad and he whispered to Jules,
“Let’s escape from the yard and go make our own rules!” 

They looked at the dog sleeping under a tree, 
And jumped on its back and at last they were free!

The twins and the dog scaled up bridges and walls,
They soared through the air without fear that they’d fall.

They ran toward an airplane and hopped on its wings,
And rose to the heights of the highest of swings.

They glided past hilltops and up to the shore,
Saw swimmers and surfers and sailboats more! 

But from so far up high, they began feeling afraid. 
They grew wobbly and faint and they teetered and swayed. 

Harry and Jules and the dog lost their grip,
They toppled and tumbled and flipped toward a ship. 

They thought they were doomed as they fell through the air,
But saw Mommy and Daddy and CJ were there!

“Help us! We’re falling!“ they yelled through the breeze.
The dog dropped to CJ, who caught it with ease.

Mommy caught Harry and Daddy caught Jules,
And the twins understood why their parents had rules. 

They love them and don’t want to see them in pain,
They protect them from danger, like falls from a plane. 

“Adventures will come!” Mommy said with a grin,
“And we’ll be there for CJ and both of you twins!”

They returned to their home, and in no time at all, 
The twins were both older and standing up tall,

So they walked through the yard and climbed on the swing,
They swung up so high, it’s as if they had wings!

CJ would push them from morning to night,
And Mommy and Daddy knew they’d be alright. 

First critique

OK! Not a bad first critique! I chatted with an editor from a top publishing firm over the weekend, and she had really positive things to say about my first 10 pages. She said that she was engaged with the main character, felt there is a story there that is marketable, and that she definitely wanted to keep reading after she was finished with the pages I had sent over. Though when I asked if she actually wanted me to email her the rest of the manuscript, she kind of dodged the question, but hey, I’ll take it!

So what’s next? I think it’s time to start emailing agents and seeing if they are interested in chatting with me about my manuscript without me first sending them $100. I mean, the goal is to eventually make money on this project and not have it be the reason I’m eating cereal for dinner (I’d prefer that reason be that I was too lazy to cook an actual meal. Like tonight).

Reaching out to one agent a week seems pretty doable. especially for a guy who spends his working hours doing sales, so it is time to start doing my research. Look out, agent #1.

A big challenge with writing novels

So I decided to take a couple of weeks off from working on the novel and reflect on why I was feeling anxious and frustrated. I think a big reason is that with novels, there’s often no grand emotional reward at the end like there is with other forms of art.

Write a song or a poem? You can perform it at countless open mics in any city on any night during non-COVID times. And people will almost always clap, even if the performance is a little rough. Paint something, build a sculpture, or complete a photography project? Your Instagram and Facebook followers are eagerly waiting for you to post about it so that they can tell you how amazing it is. And you can also display the finished product in your home for your guests to at least pretend to admire. Finish a novel though? Ummm…want to put aside all the other books you don’t have time to read so you can give me feedback on my 300-page story???? No? Shit.

Even if you self-publish, it’s really hard to get anyone other than friends and family to buy it, so you almost need to strike an actual publishing deal to contribute to more than a handful of people through your art. My first novel took me two and a half years to write, and then I edited it off and on over the next five. And I think five people have read it. That’s a pretty poor return on investment! How the heck did I graduate from business school???

Thankfully, I’ve only spent 15 months on this one so far, but I fear I’m destined for the same outcome. Now, I did know all of this before I started writing the novel back in January 2020, but I wanted to work on it for my own self-healing, so even if it never finds its way onto a bookshelf at Barnes and Nobles, it was still absolutely worth the time and effort.

But man, I really want people to read it, so it’s time for a new goal: get an agent to read my first 10 pages in April and give me feedback. Given I can pay an agent to do this through The Manuscript Academy, this is actually a pretty achievable goal. Now, will they say I’m at least on to something with my story and ask to see the rest of the novel? There’s only one way to find out…

Shifting goals

When I was writing the first draft of my book, I set an ambitious goal of 25 pages a month so that I could finish what I assumed to be my 300-page novel before the end of 2020. And I got pretty close! Like page 297 or so and quickly finished the last 10 pages during the first two weeks of 2021 (the book is now at 299 after some editing).

Then after the first draft came revising for the second draft, which I goaled myself on finishing by the end of Feb. And then editing my hundreds of grammatical errors with Grammarly by mid-March, and then working through my “come-back-to this-later” comments once that was finished, and then…what?

I’ve accomplished all of these goals and though my manuscript is far from perfect, I’m really happy with the current version. Do I need a new goal and keep pushing forward to get this thing closer to publication? Should I instead work on a new creative project for a while? Or is it best to hit the pause button and just chill the f out for a bit?

It’s weird, but instead of feeling grateful for having created a readable novel in under 15 months, I’m feeling really restless and a bit anxious and frustrated. Perhaps my new “goal” should be to take some time to actually live the lessons I write about in my book and notice and appreciate all that I already have a little more. At least for a few days…

2nd draft and getting feedback

So I’m just about finished with the second draft of my new novel (or is it my third or fourth or fifth? Who cares.). And now I’m ready to share my work with the world and start getting feedback. Oh shit!

Over the past 15 months, I’ve mostly kept my novel to only myself and any hackers who have been able to secretly gain access to my Google Drive account so that they can be among the first to read about a dude reluctantly going on a self-improvement journey in the woods (at least tell me what you thought, hackers! Am I any good????). During this time, I’ve been 100% certain with each page I write that my story will be a best seller and will find its way into the hands of millions of people who will all tell me how much my book has meant to them and how it has dramatically changed their lives.

And now? The realities of a semi-finished novel are upon me and I instead see a story filled with grammatical errors, plot lines that don’t quite work, characters who change a little too quickly, and jokes that don’t entirely land. Oh, how I miss the fantasies I spun while writing in a vacuum!

But this is an absolutely necessary step in writing a novel, putting your work out there for a trusted few to see, and letting them show you all of the warts you have thus far overlooked yourself. So give me the Dr. Scholl's Clear Away Wart Remover. I’m ready to hear what you think, friends.

I'm back with a first draft

Alright, it’s FINALLY time to post again. While I obviously haven’t written a blog post in months, I wrote an entire first draft of my new novel in a year, so not too bad! But now that that’s done and I am officially in editing mode for the 2nd draft, I will need a new creative outlet. And blogging it is!

“Oh, now you have time for me. Whatever, Jason. Go write another dumb novel.”

“I’m sorry I’ve neglected you, blog! Take me back! Please, I’ll be better! I promise!!!”

“Fine…just chill out, man. Desperation’s not a good look on you.”

“THANK YOU, BLOG!!!!!!!!!!”

Wow, that was weird. Sorry about that. OK, so I’m back to blogging and I’ll write some more stuff later this week so check back soon!

Changing blog locations

So I’ve decided to move my blog from whydoyoucreate.com to jasondolan.com (as you’ve probably noticed since you are here). I really had aspirations of making whydoyoucreate some sort of viral blog and Instagram phenomenon like Humans of New York where I’d go around and talk to people about what inspires them to create.

But I kind of lost motivation after a while and was focused mostly on my own creative process and projects. A little self-centered, but so is a website decided to yourself, so it’s a perfect match! Who knows, maybe I’ll get the urge to start that project again when I’m officially allowed to leave my house and socialize with people again. In the meantime, jasondolan.com now has a blog (I’ve imported all of my old posts) and I can stop beating myself up for never posting Instagram pics and interviewing people. And without that stress, maybe I’ll actually enjoy posting more often. Maybe…

Quarantine Creativity

So…a lot has happened since I last posted about my awesome trip to Nashville with my sister! Or, I guess in a way, a lot hasn’t happened, since we’ve all been stuck inside our homes watching Tiger King.

Despite not posting on this blog in like two months, I’ve been leaning heavily into creativity, particularly writing. No, really! I swear! My novel has provided me with much-needed structure in my quarantine days, as I have goaled myself at writing 2,000 words a week and have actually achieved that goal over the last month.

In addition to the structure, it has also provided me with a way to escape up the California coast with my characters. Despite sitting on my coach…every…single…day…and…night, I feel I’m kind of going on a camping adventure with some pretty awesome people. I wake up every day thinking about what they’ll get up to and then get to create that experience for them.

And, for some reason, I decided to make my protagonist a photographer, so I had to learn the craft myself and recently purchased a Canon EOS Rebel SL3. I am currently enrolled in a photography course on Coursera and just submitted my first assignment called Quarantine Creativity (a photo of my roommate taking a photo of me while we drink lots of bourbon). Expect to see quite a few more photos on this blog moving forward. And likely more references to bourbon.

Music City

Wow, I’ve been to a lot of places in my life, but I haven’t been anywhere quite like Nashville, where bar after bar after bar (after bar after bar…) has some of the most incredible music acts in the world performing country and rock and folk and probably many more genres, but a man can only go into so many bars in one weekend, especially with a 7-months pregnant-with-twins sister.

As someone who a decade ago thought he actually had a shot at making it in the music industry, I had to laugh while watching performers like Kyndal Inskeep, who apparently was on The Voice last season, randomly playing in low-key a singer songwriter’s series at a chill bar on Printer’s Alley.

I mean, literally every bar had a band and every act would have been the pride of any small town in the country. Yet in Nashville, just walk a couple doors down and you have another band blowing the crowd away with an Aretha Franklin song…

Or with a soulful ballad from a country artist I had never heard of but suddenly had the urge to fly across the country to go see…

Or with a Kid Rock song that somehow actually sounded good!

What a place to live if you’re a music fan! But with so many amazing musicians in one place, there’s also an obvious downside: increased supply and competition. Our Uber driver to the airport, J.T. Lewis, let us know that he is an aspiring country singer (of course) and rarely plays in downtown Nashville anymore since bars only pay $50 per musician per show (plus tips), because bars know there’s always someone else dying to play if you turn down the gig. And how the heck are you supposed to break through in a town where everyone is radio-worthy? Instead, J.T. travels to college campuses every week where the pay is a lot more and it’s easier to build a fan base.

So yeah, Music City isn’t perfect, but for a weekend babymoon with my sister, I couldn’t have picked a better spot. Thanks for coming along and watching me drink, Christina!

The Invisible Boy

Just finished my first poem in quite some time. I started writing this story for really any kid who sometimes feels invisible, but it kind of evolved into one mostly for kids who feel invisible and also act out in order to get the attention they so want.

And it’s also for people working with these kids (i.e., teachers) to help them understand that many of these kids just want to know that someone cares, even if it means punishing them. So with that, I present version 1 of The Invisible Boy. Let me know your thoughts!

The Invisible Boy

The invisible boy sat alone on his bed.
His hands disappeared, then his arms, then his head.

“No one can see me,” he thought to himself,
”Like a toy that is hiding up high on a shelf.”

Nobody talked to him, asked him his name,
Or welcomed him into their party or game.

He sometimes got angry, his hands in a fist,
“They think I’m not there, that I do not exist!”

But then he remembered, when no one can see,
You can do almost anything, climb up a tree,

Then jump off a limb in a somersault fall
And nobody yells at you, no one at all.

He could paint on the walls and then act like a clown,
Stand on his bed and then jump up and down.

He could just run away, far away from his home,
And travel to Paris and London and Rome.

For trouble can’t come when no one aware,
No one would see him and no one would care.

So he packed up his bag, this invisible boy,
With his books and his hat and his most favorite toy.

And he walked out the door, past his mom and his dad,
Past his brother and sister, and no one was mad.

He continued along, past his school and his church,
He could leave for a week and not one soul would search.

The invisible boy took a last look around,
Then he hopped on a bus on its way out of town.

“Ian, I see you! Get off of that bus!”
Yelled a man to the boy, “We have much to discuss!

Your paper was late and you keep missing class,
With test scores like yours you’ll be lucky to pass!

You have so much potential, you make me so mad!”
His teacher was angry and Ian was glad.

So he laughed and he grinned while his teacher just glared,
For somebody saw him and somebody cared.

So he hopped off the bus, this now visible boy,
And their walk back to school filled up Ian with joy.

Why I'm writing a new novel

Over the past nine or so years, I’ve spent countless nights writing and revising (and revising and revising…) the one novel I’ve written to date. I finally feel like it’s in a place where I am excited to really make a push to agents and editors and will be able to withstand the inevitable rejection letters that will surely follow. And hopefully, one day, someone will eventually decide they like my story enough to represent me, but either way, I freaking did it. I wrote a novel, one that I’m really proud of, and like I’ve said over and over again, I will never, ever f’ing write another one.

But guess what I started earlier this month? Yeah. Oops. I need to write this story though. I’m currently going through a divorce, which obviously is one of the most challenging things I’ve ever gone through, and so is my main character. He’s a lot like me, but isn’t me. And some of the issues with the relationship that failed in this story will be ones that ring true for me too, though the fictional marriage definitely wasn’t my marriage. The reason I need to write this story is that the lessons that my main character needs to learn by the end of the book are ones that I need to learn, as well.

This story isn’t going to be about one person being right in the relationship and one person being wrong. And it’s not about one person being the good guy and the other person being the bad guy, because both people are right and the good guy at times and both people are wrong and the bad guy at other times.

What this story is going to be about is a man who needs to learn how to let go, to find things he was looking for in his partner within himself, and to move forward. And probably a lot of things I don’t know about yet because I’m still just two months into the divorce.

So here we go. I’m already three pages in! Only about 297 to go…

Stories in sales

I’ve long wanted an opportunity to incorporate my love of storytelling with my K-12 education sales day job, and I finally had an opportunity to do that today, leading a session called The Power of Storytelling during my company sales offsite.

To do so, I borrowed material from Richard Freishtat, Vice President of Curriculum at UC Berkeley Executive Education. Richard is a master of helping companies and individuals craft their stories and I was fortunate enough to attend his Art of the Pitch class a few years back. He says that as we talk about stories in sales, really what we are thinking about is how people make decisions. And then how can we communicate in a way that will resonate with how the brain naturally wants to work through information. 

There is a very traditional method of presenting information that most companies focus on through data, statistics, and logical arguments, but that’s not going to be compelling for a lot of sales prospects because as you’re talking, they’re fighting with you in their head with their own data, statistics, arguments, and their own personal experiences.

What’s missing from that is emotion. As soon as we start bringing emotion in with an idea, we begin to trip up the way the brain might logically think of reasons not to do something. Like if I am emotionally attached to a product I know I rationally can’t afford- a red Tesla Model S for example- my brain will start to come up with reasons it actually is a smart investment in order to rationalize the purchase.

So in thinking about how we can use emotions in sales pitches, it isn't about manipulation but about how we can set up an audience to be receptive to what we’re saying. And one of the best ways to bring out emotions in sales pitches is by using stories. What did a current customer want to achieve before they started working with you? What was standing in their way? And how did your product help them solve this challenge and become a hero within their organization? If a prospect can relate to this story and to the customer, it will hopefully bring out an emotion in them, meaning they will be more receptive to doing business with you.

It will also help people remember you and your product for far longer than they would have otherwise. According to the London School of Business, when people hear statistics alone, they retain only 5% to 10% of what they hear. When the statistic is coupled with a picture related to it, retention jumps to 25%. When stories are used to convey that same information, retention jumps to 65% to 70%.

So go write and tell more stories and stop distracting people with busy PowerPoints that will bore them to death.

Raise the stakes

Hello, loyal blog readers! Sorry for the lack of posts lately, as I've been busy editing my novel for the 1,000th time, this time working to incorporate higher stakes and tension into the story. As I mentioned in a previous post, I attended a children's book writing seminar in the fall and really appreciated their take on the importance of stakes within a story. 

In defining the implications of stakes, one speaker put it like this: if your character doesn't achieve their goal, they will either suffer a personal defeat (i.e., Sebastian doesn't end up with Mia in La La Land and his heart is broken) or a larger, more global defeat that affects others (i.e. the Avengers fail to stop Thanos in Avengers: Infinity War and millions of people disappear). And ideally, there is a race against time, like Rose and Jack trying to escape the Titanic before it sinks. 

So as I think back to what has been missing from my novel, stakes and tension rise to the top. My main character has two main goals: 1) get the girl (I personally think the stakes are high enough there already) and 2) get his book onto The New York Times Best Sellers List in order to fulfill his deceased dad's lifelong dream. 

There was no real urgency or race against time with the second goal and I didn't feel the "why" behind the stakes were strong enough, so I took a pass at raising the stakes over the past few weeks. Below are a few paragraphs from Chapter 1 that give a good overview of what I came up with. I'd love to hear your thoughts!

From The Frequent Missteps of J.D. Buckles:

“I’m a...I’m a...uh writer,” I stuttered, appalled by my date’s behavior.

“So are you in public relations or something or do you work for like a magazine?”

“Well, I’m kind of writing a book,” I said, as I thought of the thirty rejection emails I had received from agents and editors over the past few months for a book that my deceased dad was actually supposed to write. He swore over and over again in his last month that the story idea that he had recently plotted out would allow him to finally accomplish his lifelong dream of getting published. After his sudden passing from a massive heart attack five years ago, I had made a promise to him during his funeral that I would take on his dream as my own and find a way to see the Buckles name in print. 

Now when I made that promise to my dad, it included a timestamp: I would get a publishing deal by what would have been his 50th birthday. This was an age milestone that had greatly distressed my father, as his own dad, an aspiring author himself, had died of a stroke at 50 without a single publishing deal. As my dad crept into his mid-forties, he regularly declared that he would, “NOT let another Buckles man enter into his 50’s as an unpublished writer!”

While he avoided that fate through death, I was not willing to let this multi-generational writing slump continue, and swore to my father and grandfather that I would achieve publishing glory by the date over which my dad had obsessed: Christmas Day 2010...which was now just 16 days away. As a novice novelist with zero original ideas, I decided to write my novel using the basic story outline my dad had raved about in order to accomplish this goal. But given the fact that I had yet to receive anything more than form rejections from agents and editors, I realized that perhaps, just like the other Buckles men before me, I was destined for failure.

Open mic to the rescue

Sometimes in life, you are on a path that seems certain, one that you’ve built your identity around in many ways, and then that path is suddenly unavailable to you. Maybe you are now facing unemployment or the end of a relationship or the passing of a loved one. How do you move on and start rebuilding your life?

I’ve just had one of those life-altering months and needed to figure that out for myself. For me, in order to begin reclaiming my identity, I felt I needed to lean into the thing that makes me come alive more than anything else, and that’s playing an original song in front of a captive (and forgiving) audience. So hello Starry Plough open mic!

I’ve been playing open mics for over 16 years at this point, starting with my awkward debut performance of a song about living with my parents as an adult and trying to meet women. People actually applauded at the end of the song, despite numerous forgotten words and the deer-in-headlights look I displayed during the entirety of my performance. That’s the thing I’ve noticed about almost every open mic I’ve been to: as long as you have the courage to walk up on stage and give it your best, people will support you and build you up.

And that’s exactly what I needed on Tuesday night, so thanks fellow Starry Plough open mic performers. There was no other place I’d have rather been.

Big Hairy Audacious Goals

I’ve spent the last few years trying to come up with a big dream, something that would inspire me to get out of bed every morning and bust my ass. Publishing a book has been a creative dream of mine for quite some time, but for some reason, it hasn’t gotten me to really take action and send out more than 15 submissions to agents and publishers. What was missing? Is the dream impractical? Or maybe the problem is that it isn’t big and audacious enough to really get my juices flowing.

Jim Collins popularized a term in business called a Big Hairy Audacious Goal (BHAG), which is a “long-term goal that everyone in a company can understand and rally behind. BHAGs are meant to excite and energize people in a way that quarterly targets and lengthy missions statements often fail to.”

This is a goal that should cause everyone to initially say, “you’ve got to be shitting me,” but the idea of it is so inspiring, that they ultimately rally around it and find a way to make it happen.

A non-business example would be John F. Kennedy’s 1961 goal of sending an American safely to the Moon before the end of the decade. Since he announced this goal before America had even sent a man into space, there had to be a number of people within NASA who muttered to themselves, “you’ve got to be shitting me.” Well, they obviously found a way.

So if my dream to publish a book one day isn’t a Big Hairy Audacious Goal, what is? How about giving a Ted Talk in 5 years. My initial reaction upon thinking this? “Who the heck am I to give a Ted Talk?” And “You’ve got to be shitting me.” Good start right there!

This excites me and energizes me for a number of reasons:

• I loooove presenting

• I’ve thought about being a teacher all my life, and if I am respected enough in a particular topic (creativity?) to give a Ted Talk and educate an entire paying audience, well that would be pretty darn cool. And it would probably open doors to even more teaching opportunities.

• In order to give this Ted Talk, I would need to have accomplished quite a few things, as not just anybody is asked to give one. So that would mean I would probably need to have published at least one book, maybe have started a podcast, get this blog to go viral, start an ambitious non-profit that contributes to the world in some way, etc. Outside of the ego stroke associated with each of these accomplishments, it’s pretty exciting to think about how many people I will be able to connect with if I am successful. And if my Ted Talk is on YouTube and goes viral? Even more people!

So how do I go from where I am now, an unpublished author working on a creativity blog that hardly anyone reads, to giving a Ted Talk? That’s a topic for another day. Cause right now, I’m still kind of in the “you’ve got to be shitting me” stage.

Start with why

I recently re-watched Simon Sinek’s 2009 Ted Talk about finding your “why,” which really motivated me a little while back to come up with my personal “why” and inspired me to start this blog so that I could learn from others what drives them to create.

He says in his talk that it is critical for people (and organizations) to get crystal clear about their “why,” because that is ultimately what gets them to wake up inspired to do what it is they do (instead of hitting the snooze button four times) and return home fulfilled at the end of the day, feeling as though they are contributing toward something greater than themselves.

And after discovering your why, you can then think about your "how" and then finally your "what." How are you able to share your why with the world? And what is it that you are offering?

As I watched Simon’s video yesterday, I thought back to a conversation I had over the weekend with my friend, Alex Wallash, one of the founders of The Rare Barrel brewery in Berkeley and basically the captain of our 2019 Burning Man camp, Planet Awesome. Alex told me that his “why” in creating his beer was his strong desire to bring people together so that he and others can live in the present moment.

What I really admire about Alex and what made me think of him as I was watching the Ted Talk video is Alex’s ability to bring people together through a number of different "how's" and "what's", not just through his delicious sour beer or his beautiful brewery (pic below).

Alex is also a DJ and his musical "why" is exactly the same as his beer brewing "why." He is creating music to bring people together so that he and others can live in the present moment. And help everyone dance their faces off. And...as captain of our Burning Man camp, he brought his friends and his sisters together on the Playa so that we could experience his favorite place on earth.

So when you are able to get crystal clear on your “why” like Alex has, not just for your creativity, but also for your life, it becomes your purpose, your cause, your belief about how the world should be. You will wake up inspired to help create that world and hopefully return home fulfilled at the end of the day, feeling as though you’ve made some small contribution toward that cause through your various “how’s” and “what’s.” And then it will be time to celebrate at a place like The Rare Barrel, where Alex will be bringing people together with his music and sour beer.